The Legend of Vox Machina is full of vulgar, hilarious, and ridiculous quotes. Here is a collection of the very best The Legend of Vox Machina quotes.
Best The Legend Of Vox Machina Quotes
The Legend Of Vox Machina, based off the popular Critical Role, is filled with vulgar, hilarious, ridiculous, silly, and simply amazing quotes. Here is a collection of the very best, which in all honesty, could have been nearly ever single line of the show.
As always, we try to keep these spoiler free by not attaching names to the quotes, but as you go further down the list, the more spoilery the list can become.
It was a time of peace…. until a great evil arrived. A brave group of heroes banded together, ready to face this evil.
What the fuck? Holy shi—!
All of our mercenaries slaughtered like lambs!
The Torean Butchers are butchered, the Murder Hobos murdered, the Death Dealers are all DEAD.
Do not rest until you have brought me the greatest band of mercenaries in all of Tal’Dorei.
Whose drunk? Not me. I’m great!
Didn’t you only have one ale?
Eww…so chunky.
The Legend of Vox Machina quotes continued…
Another round for Vox Machina! The greatest band of mercenaries in all the realm!
Vox Machina…what a fucking joke.
Look at your scrawny ass… too weak to tickle your own pickle.
Are you offering to help?
Can I keep this?
My lady’s rose, I will pluck. My love it’s time, for us to fu—.
Percy if you wanna join in man, you gotta ask first.
Could you put on some pants and help us?
Maybe….maybe we could try doing some good this time?
Ethics are a luxury we currently can’t afford.
This is our purpose. Fighting for justice, for glory, protecting the kingdom and stuff. Most importantly, lots of money!
This is what rock bottom feels like.
This is why I hate traveling with holy people. They are too goddamn good.
It’s a somewhat clever play on words.
The Legend of Vox Machina quotes continued…
Perhaps there’s more than meets the eye with these warriors?
There’s TWO bathrooms downstairs.
Nobility and heroism is fine and all, but we’re in this for the money.
The magic’s all in the fingers kid. And now it’s in yours.
Related: The Legend of Vox Machina: A Flipping Good Time
Trying to find a rhyme for dead dragon… because I guess we’re killing one.
A storm’s blowing through tonight…
Dragon’s are fiercely intelligent, calculating creatures.
I wouldn’t say kill really….
One of them is working with that fucker.
The creepy one…looked like a withered piece of scrap leather.
With the way that man dotes on you, I’m sure you can work something out.
The Legend of Vox Machina quotes continued…
I’m feeling things and they don’t feel right.
I never trust anyone prettier than me.
Glad to see you’ve lost none of your charm.
I’ve missed your visits.
Are you here on business, or pleasure?
To start they’re egomaniacs. They hate being insulted and have tremendous vanity…not that I can relate.
We’ll die gloriously. And we’ll kill a fucking dragon.
The worm shall only find defeat, in the gorge where the twin rivers meet.
If we survive this, I owe you dinner.
You owe me more than that, my handsome half-elf.
We got him, kid.
The Legend of Vox Machina quotes continued…
I don’t give a wet fart what she thinks.
Seven to two.
Emotions aren’t meant to be bottled up. Perhaps you should cut loose every once in a while.
The rules of ball tag are as complex as they are beautiful.
I shall brief them on royal manners and etiquette.
My balls…they hurt so much.
My safe word’s mommy.
Forgot those little…pillow mints.
Gosh, you’re a handsome couple.
No one kills Vax but me.
I had them! And you let them slip away.
Everlight. No.
Guards, arrest Vox Machina.
They loved me in there! I was on fire! Huh? Fuck.
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About The Legend of Vox Machina
They’re rowdy, they’re ragtag, they’re misfits turned mercenaries for hire. Vox Machina is more interested in easy money and cheap ale than actually protecting the realm. But when the kingdom is threatened by evil, this boisterous crew realizes that they are the only ones capable of restoring justice. What began as a simple payday is now the origin story behind Exandria’s newest heroes.
Based on the beloved characters and adventures of Critical Role’s first livestreamed tabletop role-playing game (RPG) campaign, The Legend of Vox Machina is an animated fantasy-adventure series for adults that follows Vox Machina, a band of misfits with a fondness for boozing and brawling.
The Legend of Vox Machina is streaming on Prime Video now.
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Tessa Smith is a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer-approved Film and TV Critic. She is also a Freelance Writer. Tessa has been in the Entertainment writing business for ten years and is a member of several Critics Associations including the Critics Choice Association and the Greater Western New York Film Critics Association.