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The Most Hilarious & Disturbing Good Boys Quotes

Good Boys is a funny movie, but also disturbing if you think about it. The things those kids say — which brings me to this list of hilarious Good Boys quotes.

good boys quotes

I expected a lot more out of Good Boys than I got. It was an OK movie, but I wanted it to be so much better. That doesn’t mean it isn’t jam packed with hilarious quotes that make me giggle like a school girl when I think about them. 

Good Boys Quotes

When you think about the fact that this movie has very young boys saying very dirty things, it becomes a little disturbing. But that doesn’t make these quotes from Good Boys any less funny.

Keep in mind, there is a lot of language in these quotes. You have been warned.

What the f*ck are you staring at, Gandalf? – Lucas

It’s a sex drug. What if a fox eats it and tries to f*ck a squirrel? It’ll kill him! – Lucas

How many husbands does she have? – Lucas

Does this look like a sippy cup? No, it’s a f*cking juice box! Because I’m not a f*cking child! – Thor

good boys

Hey, Stranger Things, go f*ck yourselves! – Benji

That’s a tampon. Girls shove it up their buttholes to stop babies from coming out. An eighth grader told me that. – Max

That swing is for sexing. People do sex on it. – Annabelle

I will always love you, but I no longer like you. – Max’s Dad

I’m guessing you’re not the popular kids in school. – Police Officer

Stop treating us like kids. We’re tweens. We know how things work. – Max

Here’s the plan: I’m going to go to the party with a beer, so everyone knows that I’m cool. – Thor

Are we fifth graders, or are we sixth graders? – Max

good boys

You’re a really pretty CPR doll. – Max

You guys are little bad*sses. – Hannah

I respect women. My mom’s my best friend! – Lucas

No, she’s a nymphomaniac. Someone who has sex on land and sea. – Max

good boys poster

About Good Boys

After being invited to his first kissing party, 12-year-old Max (Room’s Jacob Tremblay) is panicking because he doesn’t know how to kiss. Eager for some pointers, Max and his best friends Thor (Brady Noon, HBO’s Boardwalk Empire) and Lucas (Keith L. Williams, Fox’s The Last Man On Earth) decide to use Max’s dad’s drone — which Max is forbidden to touch — to spy (they think) on a teenage couple making out next door. But when things go ridiculously wrong, the drone is destroyed.

Desperate to replace it before Max’s dad (Will Forte, The Last Man on Earth) gets home, the boys skip school and set off on an odyssey of epically bad decisions involving some accidentally stolen drugs, frat-house paintball, and running from both the cops and terrifying teenage girls (Life of the Party’s Molly Gordon and Ocean’s Eight’s Midori Francis).