This Behind the Blogger writing prompt is “I Could Only Imagine“. I must admit, I was stumped about what to write for a while. I could easily go dark with this but I wanted to keep it someone positive. At the same time, I really wanted to write about something that is on my mind every day. I could only imagine if I did not lose that baby 6 years ago. It is a little dark, but it is real.
If you have gone through a miscarriage before than you know it is on your mind every day. Some days it may be hiding in a dark corner and some it may be at the forefront of your brain. My husband and I had only been married for 4 months when we found out we were expecting. The plan after the wedding was “if it happens, it happens” and we were over the moon that it happened so quickly. At my first ultrasound appointment they did not see a heartbeat, but said that was normal as I was only about 5 weeks along. They did, however, schedule a follow up appointment a week later to check again. At this appointment we were told that there was still no heartbeat, but that I should come back in another week to confirm. Well, at that third appointment we found out that our precious little baby never had a heartbeat and never would. That was hard. Really hard. It brought my husband and I a lot closer – silver lining I suppose.
But not a day goes by that I don’t look at my girls and think about their older brother or sister. I wonder how well they would have played together, what that child would look like – I even wonder if our youngest would even be here as we have only planned on two kids. I can’t help but think about it sometimes, as much as it hurts. There is a song by Miley Cyrus (I know) that my husband and I heard on the way home from the hospital that day – “Bottom of the Ocean“. The lyrics really hit home for us, even though they were not intended to mean what they mean to us.
How could I be losing you forever?
After all the time we spent together
I have to know why
I had to lose you
Now you’ve just become
Like everything I’ll never find again
At the bottom of the ocean
Like I said, I cannot help but wonder who that child would be. But I can’t dwell on it either. It would eat my up inside.
I can only imagine who my son or daughter would be today, but maybe, just maybe, everything happens for a reason.
Thank you for reading a story from #BehindTheBlogger Hop. Every 2 weeks a group of bloggers is given a writing prompt. These prompts are very open ended, so our bloggers can write about whatever they desire. The main rule is that their blog post directly relates to the topic of that week. The point of this hop is for our readers to get to know us on a personal level.
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